Finding Cause Of Your Vaginismus

Vaginismus is a condition in which a women's pelvic (PC) muscles shut tight involuntarily making sex difficult or in some cases impossible. A woman suffering from this condition usually doesn't know what triggers this reflex action by her body when she anticipates a vaginal penetration of any kind.

Vaginismus can be correctly called a "cycle of pain". The male partner often explains it as "hitting a wall" when penetration is attempted. A woman will take her first painful sexual experience as a fearful memory of pain, thereby making her tense in some or all future intimate experiences. In some cases there are some other underlying causes of vaginismus other than a first painful experience. See causes of vaginismus to find more examples.Therefore the first step in curing your vaginismus is finding the root cause that triggers it.

The causes of vaginismus are hard to state because they vary for each woman. It can be a physical or non physical issue or a combination of both that result in this condition.

What is the cause of your vaginismus:

As stated, the first and foremost step in curing vaginismus is finding the root cause. I will explain a small exercise for you to begin.

Step 1:

Pick a time of day when you are relaxed and free from any engagements. Allot some time especially for this exercise so that you can work on it without any interruptions.

Step 2:

Take a few sheets of paper and pencil. Write down the following headings, one on each page:
1. Childhood & Upbringing
2. Sex Education
3. Dating History
4. Personal Ideas about Sex

Now I want you to think long and hard about these different aspects. You can do this alone or do it with a partner to encourage you along. Doing it with a partner is more fun because these insightful areas will help you discover each other's ideas about sex, which is a major part in rebuilding the emotional aspect of a relationship. There is no problem if you wish to do this on your own. Writing something down reinforces an idea in our minds and that is the purpose of this whole exercise.

Here's what you need to think and write about.

1. Childhood & Upbringing:

Write down about the kind of upbringing you had. Was it a comfortable household or a rigid one? Did your family practice conservative religious views and imposed them on you? Did any or both of your parents made sex and intimacy appear like a very bad thing in general? To help you more in this step, write down names of each and everyone in your family and explain how each of them shaped your sexual ideas, directly or indirectly.

2. Sex Education:

What kind of sex education were you given, if any? Did you know prior to your first intimate encounter what to expect? Or were you unaware? (Although today it is unlikely one doesn't know about how intercourse is done) Did sex and intercourse come as a surprise to you? How did you come to know about sex for the first time? Was it explained like a scary idea to you? Explain whatever experiences you have had in this area.

3. Dating History:

Have you ever experienced harassment or abuse from a partner? Do you think any partner or any particular experience shaped up a fearful or bad image about sexual intimacy? This part is tricky. I want you to think carefully about each partner, each dating session and your own emotional response to these things. Then write down how it exactly shaped up your mind about sex.

4. Personal ideas about sex:

In this section, I want you to be brutally honest with yourself. What do you think about sex? It is difficult? Scary? Impossible? What would you accomplish once you overcome this issue? Regain a relationship that's beginning to tumble? How important is sex to you? How would it make you feel as a woman? How will it bring you closer to your partner? Revisit all previous sections and see how they have affected you without you even noticing. Decide that this negative influence is bad for you and your relationships and that it is time to overcome it and enjoy life. Write down anything you feel about sex here. This section is specifically all about you.

Step 3:

On a new page, write the following heading in bold: DECLARATION.
Here you will write your "vows" of overcoming vaginismus and gaining control of your life back. Take this as just another new year resolutions, the only difference being, it may not be new years' time when you do this exercise :) Keep this page with you. Whenever during the course of this treatment, you feel like you are stuck or not making any progress, I want you to open this page and read your vows. Keep it as a motivation for yourself.

The first step of this exercise is complete. This exercise was a kind of self analysis where you recollect all those external influences which shaped up your ideas about sex and intercourse. This step will serve as a reminder to why you need to overcome and cure vaginismus and the declaration step will serve as a motivation note.


Next Step: Know Your Anatomy