Putting Your Kegels to Use

You have made it to the fourth step of your fight against vaginismus. Hurray for you! I am happy to tell you that this is THE step you have been working towards for so long. This is the step for which we have been preparing for in the previous steps.

In case you need to go back and revisit the previous preparatory steps, here are quick links:
Step 1: Finding Cause Of Your Vaginismus
Step 2: Know Your Anatomy
Step 3: Controlling PC Muscles

Now that you are ready, let's begin which the most exciting phase of your recovery journey.

The best way to accomplish this step is to involve your partner with you. Discuss this step over with them before you attempt this step. If you are a partner of someone suffering from vaginismus and don't know how to help, see the article Helping a Partner With Vaginismus.

Follow this simple step:
When your partner attempts penetration, pretend that you are practising your kegel in such a way that as he prepares for penetration, tighten your muscles, and as soon as he attempts penetration, loosen your PC muscles.
Do not lose heart if it doesn't work the first time. The most important thing is you keep a positive attitude and stay relaxed. Relaxation is the key to solving this issue. Take deep breaths and try again, either in the same session or another session. 

This seemingly difficult step is in fact very easy. All the previous steps we went through were a psychological preparation for this step.

• By knowing our anatomy, it helped us to know that sex will not hurt. Our bodies are made for it and it is something very natural.
• By doing kegels, we applied the knowledge of our anatomy to something physical; we came to know that we can in fact control our bodies. We are no more slaves to our bodies which disappoint us.
• By discussing all our progress with our partners, we build trust with them and we trust that they won't hurt us by anything they do. Sex is a way of expressing their love for us and it will NOT hurt. It will only hurt when we try to deny ourselves that connection and that love.

Once we are able to do this, there is no going back (hopefully!) Do not let your old fear of pain haunt you. Don't look back! You may need to repeat this activity a number of times before you begin to feel comfortable and natural with it, but trust me, it will happen. You will get comfortable and it will come as naturally to you as it seems for all other couples.

At the end of it, don't forget to thank your partner for the patience he has shown towards you. He has full share in your accomplishment of overcoming this fear.

Controlling PC Muscles

Welcome to the third step in curing your vaginismus. Believe me you have come a long way and are already more than half way through.

The previous steps were:
Step 1: Finding Cause Of Your Vaginismus
Step 2: Know Your Anatomy

Now we are ready to start the physical aspect of our efforts to cure vaginismus. Let's begin.

Controlling PC Muscles

If you remember the definition of vaginismus, it is the involuntary muscle spasm that "shuts off" the opening to the vagina, making any form of penetration impossible at the worst. By doing kegel exercises, we will attempt to reprogram these PC muscles in order to keep them from shutting off the vaginal opening and making penetration smooth.

Activity # 3:

In this step we will practice kegels on a regular basis in order to overcome the involuntary spasms of the PC muscles.

What Are Kegels

Pelvic floor exercise, also known as Kegel exercise, consists of repeatedly contracting and relaxing the muscles that form part of the pelvic floor, now sometimes colloquially referred to as the "Kegel muscles". [wikipedia]

How to Perform Kegel

1. We will start by locating PC muscles. Come into a sitting or squat position and tighten your pelvic muscles as you would do while holding your pee. Hold for a few seconds then release. Do this repeatedly until you get the hang of it. After several attempts you will be able to recognize the muscles that you control to hold and release your pee. These are the PC muscles we were trying to locate.

2. There are two basic variations for these kegel exercises that you need to practice. Do at least 2 rounds of both these variations for 10 repetitions each.

• Tighten your PC muscles for 3 seconds then release. After 3 seconds, tighten them again for 3 seconds. Repeat this at least 10 times. 
• Tighten and release your PC muscles as fast as you can for upto 10 times in a go. Repeat.

Practice kegels daily. They will not only tone and strengthen your PC muscles, but they will give you a better control over your PC muscles. In the beginning, you might tire out quickly, but as with any exercise, it will take time for you to perform them easily. Start with at leatst 2 sets of each variation daily. Build up to as many as you can do so easily.

The best thing about kegels is you can do it while standing up, sitting down or even lying down without anyone knowing. So it is fairly easy to get into a proper kegel routine.

For more information: How to perform kegel exercises.


There are many benefits of doing kegel, some of which are shown in the diagram below. However, our scope is limited only to using this technique for curing our vaginismus.

Benefits of Kegel Exercises
source

Activity Outcome:

By the end of this activity, your PC muscles will have strengthened and you will have gained a better control over your pelvic muscles.

Next Step: Putting Your Kegels To Use